"I never apologize. I'm sorry, but that's just the way I am."
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
I'm at my desk and the place is dark, aside from my computer shining on me like a beacon. The kids are asleep, hopefully in for a full night's rest. Amanda has been a little sick and needs the sleep.
I spent a few minutes practicing my guitar in the glow of my laptop and it almost felt surreal... a tranquility I had forgotten existed. It's no piano, but it's music and it's magical. I learned to play my guitar about 15 years ago and even then I didn't play enough to get very good at it. So I'm starting from square one, stuttering and cringing, and trying not to become frustrated because I'm not perfect enough. Right now.
Way back when I was learning instruments like I was learning how to ride a different color bike, I had all the time in the world to devote to practice. It seemed so easy and effortless back then and I can't say it's the same right now. I'm more restricted with kids, work, life... I just don't have the time and it frustrates me because I lose it as soon as I pick it up.
After realizing what I did last night, about how my talents are here to benefit me, I have decided I need to make the time, to require it of myself to practice. Making music is therapy, much like writing is... only it is so much more abstract and hits me in an emotional place that is unexplainable.
So I'm going to do my absolute best to practice my music as much as I take pictures and write in my blog. Eventually one day I want to incorporate the three into my life enough that they become my livelihood. What a beautiful life that would be!