Thursday, November 11, 2010

On crying

I've mentioned a few times that I've been on an anti-depressant, and after about five and a half years I decided to remove it from my repertoire of daily meds.  I had been wanting to stop using them for some time, but life kept throwing me those pesky curve balls that would make me stop, reconsider, and put the thought into the recycle bin.

After our move to Cody the thought resurfaced again, and as I prepared to duck for my regular dose of curve ball, I realized nothing was coming at me.  Those exasperating events that kept me clinging to my Effexor were no longer issues to be dealt with, and without hesitation I decided to be done with it.

I appreciated what the drug did for me - anxiety , sadness, hopelessness, and despair were mellowed over.  The depression didn't disappear all together by any means, but day-to-day coping was made easier.  I felt even, I felt cool, and I very much felt like I lost the ability to cry.  Unless I watched Oprah, then I bawled.  It was a very odd phenomenon.  

So now, with the medication almost completely out of my system, I find myself on the verge of tears a lot more often than I'd like to admit.  They aren't sad tears, but quite the opposite.  They are "Oh my that Jared looks AMAZING!!  Thank God for Subway oh what an inspiration!"....*blubber blubber sniff sniff*.

So imagine the sight I was today when I went to the kids' school to watch their Veterans Day program.  Ahhhhh geez.  I was able to leave work early in order to attend, but I didn't have time to change so I went in my uniform.  The minute I walked into the gymnasium that was packed full of students and their families, I started to well up.  Then they had to have the honor guard with the old guys looking so damn sharp in their military uniforms, then we all had to sing the National Anthem, then the student body sang songs and did little gestures to match the emotions of the songs...yeah, the dork in the TSA uniform was CRYING.

Have you ever sat through "Proud to be an American" and not sobbed?  Me either apparently...but I was so filled with pride - pride for our country, pride for our veterans, pride for my kids and their awesome school.  It was a beautiful thing and I'm just happy I walked away without looking like a raccoon 'cause I had bought some new "washable waterproof" mascara that didn't run.  THANK. GOD.

You look at the following images and tell me you wouldn't be crying too... 

See these elderly people standing up?  They were in World War II.  One of them, the one with white hair, is a woman.  Geeeez I'm gonna start up again...  *deep breaths*

 Another man from WWII, answering some questions.  And there's my little monsters in the background...  *sniff* 

 "Dear Mr. So-and-So, Livingston school would like to honor all the veterans with a block for the Veterans Memorial, it says 'Thank you for all you have done for us' (or something like that I can't remember, I was CRYING)."

 If you don't cry during the bagpipe rendition of Amazing Grace while names of fallen soldiers are displayed above, you are cold and heartless.  Thankfully I am not because I was.  Big time.

OK, I think I was crying out of the giggles here - the man on the left swiftly and proudly stood at attention and was so focused, he didn't realize his comrades were saluting the giant flag (not pictured) hanging behind him.   

To add insult to injury, a huge beautiful flag was hanging from a fire truck ladder as I walked to my car.  Thank you Universe, I needed that cleanse.

And Thank You veterans, you make me proud to be an American.



Amanda said...

I was laughing at the Subway thing, but getting teary-eyed looking at your photos. Granted, my emotions are slightly pregnancy hormone-enhanced lately, but I can never get through the Star Spangled Banner w/o crying--pregnant or not. Patriotism does it to me every time. Add in kids singing and cute little old people in uniforms ... forget it. I would have been a mess right along with you!

Bobi Jensen said...

Geez...just this post made me bawl! :)