Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Staying longer

I have been encouraging the kids to extend their visit with their dad, even though the thought of them being away any longer is making me a giant weeping baby.  They are torn between missing me and not wanting to leave him, but when I explain that they only see him once every couple months and that I'll be around every day, they realize staying is the best thing to do. 

We Skype every night and one night I put the lighting in the room just right so they wouldn't see that I had just been in tears.  I almost lost it as soon as I saw their faces and it took all I had to not cry while we were talking.  The last thing they need is their pathetic mom inadvertently making them feel bad for them not being here. 

Today has been bad, with the big house feeling extra empty and echoey.  I'm off today, and while I'm happy to not be at work I do myself no good by sitting here at home sulking all day.  But I can't seem to get myself to do any more that just that.  So I'm just trying to push through as I've explained before.  This will pass, it is temporary, it is but a blip in the span of our lives. 

I was excited that my favorite blog Pacing the Panic Room had a new entry today, and I will say that the few minutes I spent reading it helped me calm my anxiety and chill out a little.  He has a way of writing and sharing his thoughts in an almost effortlessly calming way, and I enjoy seeing the happiness that his family brings him.  I feel like his world is the polar opposite of mine and it's sure a nice respite once in a while.

Onward and upward...     

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