Saturday, September 24, 2011

Effing cat

A couple weeks ago a stray cat got into my car and took a piss.  Little fucker.  I really can't blame anyone but myself...I suppose I may  have left a window open after a hot day.  Maybe. 

I didn't feel like sticking my nose anywhere smelly, so I neglected to do a sniff test to determine exactly where the little fucker peed.  Surely it found a comfy spot in a blanket that had been in the car, so I removed the blanket. 

Wasn't on the blanket.


I stayed in denial for quite some time, convincing myself the smell was magically going away on its own. 

Until a couple days ago.

The kids and I made a very last minute trip to Denver so they could see their dad and so I could see my sexy man.  Eight hours in a hot car with no air conditioning makes for a sweaty back.  Gross, I know.  Every time I leaned forward to cool off my back, the stanky smell of warm, moist cat piss wafted through the air.

Yup...the little fucker chose my  seat to do his business.

I took the smell into gas stations.  It followed me into rest stop bathrooms.   I even took it into McDonald's.  A few people may have passed out into their McMuffins as I pretended to not notice I reeked.

I got to Josh's house and had to warn him while we hugged hello...

I'm really sorry, but I smell like cat piss.  So good to see you!  Now hug me you sexy sexy man.

I only took a couple days worth of clean clothes because we weren't staying long, and I actually had to do a load of wash while I was there.  Every time I drove my car I came back smelling like the little fucker's pee.

Josh tried using a car wash's shampoo machine on my seat.  Didn't work.  He even used the rest of his Febreeze on it.  Still didn't work.  I prostituted myself to him for repayment every chance I could get, which worked on sooo many levels, but my seat still smelled. 

The kids and I drove back today and again, I took the smell of the little fucker's markings with me everywhere I went.  As soon as I got home I got ahold of a cleaning agent my dad invented some years ago, and I scrubbed the shit out of my seat.

If that doesn't work I'm going to vacuum seal the damn thing and call it good.

Wish me luck.


tracirz said...

That sucks. :( Cat piss is awful.

Rory Grant said...

Consider it training for old age and it won't be so bad.


Nat said...

There is absolutely nothing more pungent than cat piss! What a horrible time... but you do write it up really well as a funny story :)

neatfit said...

Cats can be horrible little creatures, along doing this, they can ruin furniture. But it's the cuteness that gets to you and you just don't ever cook them.

Evil Twin's Wife said...

Gross. Sorry you're having to deal with this. Try to find a pet urine spray with enzymes. You can use a black light to target the scope of the pee puddle. Also, if you have a side pocket on your door, you can open a box of Arm & Hammer baking soda and just leave it in the car. It will eventually absorb any renegade smells left behind. :-)

Roxy said...

hope you got it out in the end.
My dog peed on my bed one when he was smaller. On my legs through the duvet. Lovely.