Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Make it stop

We recently got more bad news about the kids' dad - I'll make it as simple as possible:  rehab staff somehow overdosed him on some medication, resulting in very low oxygen levels and a trip to the hospital and back; possible brain damage; CT scan in the morning, then neurologist, then hopefully some answers as to the permanence of brain damage.

The kids are now in bed and I'm sitting in the quiet, my jaw clenched as it knows how to do when it tastes extreme stress.  My shoulder cries in pain which radiates up to my ear and down through my pinky.  The kids are angry at the rehab staff.  They are angry at their dad for putting himself there in the first place.

I am angry at life.

When is it going to fucking. STOP.  I want him to get better.  I want him to get healthy so that he can watch his kids grow and prosper and be the awesome people they already are.  I don't want worse.  I don't want him suffering any more.  I don't want him disabled because of his own stupid actions, or someone else's stupid actions.

I want him to be at peace so that maybe his kids can stop being so scared, so worried.  So CONFUSED.  For one fucking minute I want life to make sense, to cooperate, to ease up already.

Sitting here right now I feel paralyzed.  So helpless.  I sit here in the silence, ready to implode, just biding time until the storm passes.

If it passes.

Please pass...

8 comments:

Diana a.k.a Meme said...

Praying for you and your precious children, and I'll even throw one in for their Dad. I am sorry you are going through all this.

The Flying Tortoise said...

I'm sorry. I hope the pain stops really soon.
I send hugs from far away...

A Daft Scots Lass said...

I am praying and thinking of you!!!!

Roksana Podgorska said...

Oh Kim I'm so sorry. Thinking of you and sending good thoughts your way. xx

Keith Wynn said...

I am sorry Kim and you and your fammily are in my thoughts and prayers. In times like this, I like to think of this quote "This too Shall Pass"...

Hannah Denski said...

Wishing all your troubles away! x

Steve said...

Kim, If I had a magic blanket to wrap you all up in and keep you safe till the storm passes, I would do it in a heartbeat. Failing that, I will continue to hold you all in my heart and support you in any way I can.
Steve

My Name is Jacy said...

Oh, Kim....

I am so sorry! I have nothing profound to say, just that you were heard... you are loved... and this storm will pass... it will ease up... you and your children are resilient and strong!

Hang in there!

Love from Utah!