This is going to be a therapy post today, nothing but bitchery, doom, and gloom. In other words, nothing new really. I didn't want to greet today - she interrupted my restless sleep hours earlier than I would have preferred. The sick, twisted lure of work dragged me out of bed in spite of my impassioned protests to leave me the fuck alone.
I don't normally like my job, but today I hate it. I don't know why it's been so much worse than normal - maybe because I had such a nice weekend with the kids. Work steals away all the fun.
My senses seem to be heightened, and they are mocking me with their irritations. First thing I smelled when I walked into our break room was coffee grounds, dumped in the garbage. Fucking smelly-ass coffee grounds. I later stood at the x-ray for our morning flight, screening one bag at a time. One person at a time. Painfully slow, like everyone was walking in slow-motion, exaggerating the movement of time until I wanted to scream. I don't want to talk to anyone; I don't want to listen to anyone talk. It just irritates my ears so much today.
I don't want to be sitting in the quiet break room, listening to that person dick around with his back teeth. I couldn't help but notice how he would reach into the back of his mouth with his finger and release a group of teeth from his gums, and bite them back on. Over. and over. and over. I'm certain I saw the glow of germs take a flying leap from his wet finger onto the keyboard of the computer we all share.
My shoulder, neck, back, elbow, and arm are all reminding me of what happens when I get stressed. What, you don't like your job? Well let us help you not like it more!! Cody doesn't have a lot of jobs available for someone like me: fully supporting two kids, needing insurance, needing Mondays and Tuesdays off in the fall so I can go to school. I guess that last part is my own fault - I don't HAVE to go to school. I suppose I could always wait tables for a living.
I beg and plead with the Great and Mighty Puppetmaster - pleasepleasepleaseplease help me find a new job. Pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease. One where I don't want to claw out my eyeballs and eardrums pleasepleasepleaseplase, one where I don't have to wake up at 3:45 in the morning pleasepleaseplease, one that will pay the bills and give us a little extra pleasepleasepleaseplease
I know I should be thankful I have a job; I get that I'm more fortunate than so many others out there; I understand I'm living a life many would love to have. Today I DON'T CARE and I'm ok with that. Today I just want to throw my little Kimmy temper tantrum the way I know best - by being quiet, keeping to myself, and loathing everything about what I do to pay the bills.
Ok I'll let you all go now, thank you for letting me vent. Now off to my silent tantrum while I wait out this day.