Friday, June 1, 2012

I don't like today

This is going to be a therapy post today, nothing but bitchery, doom, and gloom.  In other words, nothing new really.  I didn't want to greet today - she interrupted my restless sleep hours earlier than I would have preferred.  The sick, twisted lure of work dragged me out of bed in spite of my impassioned protests to leave me the fuck alone.

I don't normally like my job, but today I hate it.  I don't know why it's been so much worse than normal - maybe because I had such a nice weekend with the kids.  Work steals away all the fun.

My senses seem to be heightened, and they are mocking me with their irritations.  First thing I smelled when I walked into our break room was coffee grounds, dumped in the garbage.  Fucking smelly-ass coffee grounds.  I later stood at the x-ray for our morning flight, screening one bag at a time.  One person at a time.  Painfully slow, like everyone was walking in slow-motion, exaggerating the movement of time until I wanted to scream.  I don't want to talk to anyone; I don't want to listen to anyone talk.  It just irritates my ears so much today.

I don't want to be sitting in the quiet break room, listening to that person dick around with his back teeth.  I couldn't help but notice how he would reach into the back of his mouth with his finger and release a group of teeth from his gums, and bite them back on.  Over. and over. and over.  I'm certain I saw the glow of germs take a flying leap from his wet finger onto the keyboard of the computer we all share.


My shoulder, neck, back, elbow, and arm are all reminding me of what happens when I get stressed.  What, you don't like your job?  Well let us help you not like it more!!  Cody doesn't have a lot of jobs available for someone like me:  fully supporting two kids, needing insurance, needing Mondays and Tuesdays off in the fall so I can go to school.  I guess that last part is my own fault - I don't HAVE to go to school.  I suppose I could always wait tables for a living.


I beg and plead with the Great and Mighty Puppetmaster - pleasepleasepleaseplease help me find a new job.  Pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease.  One where I don't want to claw out my eyeballs and eardrums pleasepleasepleaseplase, one where I don't have to wake up at 3:45 in the morning pleasepleaseplease, one that will pay the bills and give us a little extra pleasepleasepleaseplease

Pretty please?

I know I should be thankful I have a job; I get that I'm more fortunate than so many others out there; I understand I'm living a life many would love to have.  Today I DON'T CARE and I'm ok with that.  Today I just want to throw my little Kimmy temper tantrum the way I know best - by being quiet, keeping to myself, and loathing everything about what I do to pay the bills.

Ok I'll let you all go now, thank you for letting me vent.  Now off to my silent tantrum while I wait out this day.

Bah humbug.


brian said...

googd sucks then you die...not will get through it and go home to your kids that you are provinding for and be ok knowing that they are ok...hang in there...things will change...they WILL get better...and dont forget to makes life a little easier to bear

Steve said...

You may not want to hear this today, but I love the fearless way you post exactly what is on your mind without worrying about how others will take it. I think that is fucking awesome. I think you are fucking awesome too, tantrums and everything else included. So there.

Mrs. Tuna said...

Worse than coffee grinds? The co workers who reek of cigarettes and ignore the no smoking in company vehicle policy.

Stacia said...

(((hugs))) sucky days suck. I get that and can relate. Hope your weekend is better.