Thursday, June 28, 2012

Nerves of spaghetti

Day after tomorrow is my last day at TSA.  I can't begin to explain how gratifying it is to say that, to know that I finally got myself out.  I realize I've voluntarily been with the organization for the past four and a half years, but it's one of those places that the wages and benefits are good enough that it's hard to find something else that's comparable.

I've been so excited about my upcoming month with the newspaper - I was given a new-to-me camera, a few lenses, and a laptop, all which make me drool with gratification.  Having said all that, the closer the day comes that I separate ways with my regular bread and butter, the more anxiety-ridden I become.

I do OK with change, but it usually takes a couple weeks to really feel like I'll be able to feel normal, no matter what the change is.  Leaving the safety net of what's been normal to me for the past few years is terrifying.  The change in what I wear, the change in how free I am (so many rules and regulations in TSA), the change in pay, the change in my schedule, the change in what I do every minute of every day.  It's fucking scary.

I'm supposed to be practicing with my new equipment, but the past few days have had me at the airport unusually long.  The editor wants to get together tomorrow to see what I've shot - I'm hoping that tonight after work I'll be able to pull something out my ass.

My first real day is Monday, when the festivities of the Fourth of July weekend begin.  I have a feeling that's when my creative juju will really start to kick in, when I'm photographing parades, rodeos, and everything else that's awesome and fun around here this time of year.  Until then, until I have a grasp of what my life is going to be like once I leave the confines of TSA, I'm going to have to find my big girl panties and wear a hefty belt 'cause there really isn't any other option.

Wish me luck, please wish me luck.  This is so hard all by myself.  It's not that my kids aren't a good support system (they are AWESOME), it's just that they don't know what it's like to feel this kind of adult stress.  You know, the raising-a-family kind of stress and all that comes along with doing it alone.

Thank you all for your well-wishes thus far, I truly hang on each and every word of support that's shared with me.  Hugs to everyone!

Even myself.


Stacia said...

Rock it girl! And just make sure catch the drool before it hits the keyboard :)

Buy pretty big girl panties, too! Will you be posting any of your pics next week? Would love to see them!!

Steve said...

Dearest Kimmie, There are a lot of us out here living vicariously through you. For those of us still mired in the rules and regulations of TSA and knowing in our hearts that there is so much more out there, you inspire us. You have an amazing eye and a natural gift for expressing yourself honestly from the heart. You are a rare and unique person, woman, mom, and friend, and I am honored to know you. So, strap on the B.G.P.'s, go kick some big time ass and have fun with your new career. You deserve this opportunity and I know that you will absolutely blow the ed's sox off. Lots of love and best wishes.

Ernest S B Boston said...

Will your photos be online at the paper?

Becky Brown said...

New is exhausting and scary, even when it's totally the right thing and totally worth it. Hang tough!