Doing a Big Thing

I've decided to train for a marathon. Even though no one will likely read this, it feels nice to be able to write out loud. So this is more for myself than anything, but shit - if anyone is out there hello to you! Anyway, I attempted to train for a marathon back in 2005, but I was tricked into quitting. By my own husband, no less. I was up to eight miles, most of the time pushing both kids in a double running stroller, and it was incredibly enjoyable and rewarding, especially as a stay-at-home mom with no outside interests. 

I had a very insecure husband, and any kind of self-improvement on my part, especially a physical one, felt threatening to him. He didn't like that I had chosen to do the training, and never offered or showed support in any way. If I asked him to watch the kids while I went on a run, he complained and pouted. One day he said, "Hey, you should start your own photography business. We could get you a really nice camera and a laptop and just put it on the credit card." I had always wanted to be a photographer and he had known that about me for years. He knew very well the size of the carrot he had just dangled in front of me, and knew that not only would I agree to it, I would dive my whole self into it to the extent that I would no longer be interested in the stupid marathon. And he was right. I fell for it hook, line, and sinker. Years later, after we had been separated for some time, I asked him if he had wanted me to start a photography business so that I'd stop training for the marathon, and he sheepishly said yes.

To this day I shake my head that I was so stupid to fall for that. But in my defense, two things worked against me - 1) I had a husband who would rather manipulate me with something incredibly close to my heart than work on his own issues and 2) I had undiagnosed ADHD, and I couldn't have said no to that dangling carrot if I tried. Funny thing though, I had actually brought up to my husband around that time that I thought I might have ADD (as it was called back then, now it is all blanketed under ADHD - I was diagnosed with inattentive ADHD last year), and he rolled his eyes and blew me off. So that was that.

Anyway, the race I will be running will be in Billings, MT on June 1st, which gives me ample time to train. I found a free app that not only provides me with a training plan, but lets me know how I'm doing based on how I perform with each run. I'm kind of in "pre-training" training until January 27, which is when my actual marathon training will begin in earnest. This is beneficial in that it will allow me to get myself where I need to be in terms of ability - I'm just a sliver behind where I should be right now, but close enough to be able to be caught up by the 27th. Also, I'm taking this time to research proper nutrition (what to eat and when to eat it), cold weather running tips, and just general information that might help me stay healthy and injury-free. I'll turn fifty years old three weeks before the race, so my old-ass self needs to be careful. 

There are reasons I'm doing this though - it's not just to run a marathon for the sake of running a marathon. I want to document this training, so as I go I'll probably write about what's been going on that has precipitated this decision.

Until next time...