Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Day 22...back to work soon

Today is my last night of freedom...tomorrow I head back into work. It's been a great week, but I must admit that I'm ready to go back. I have LOVED this extra time with the kids, waking them up every morning, eating dinner with them, putting them to bed. I've accomplished many things, vegged out more than I should have, slept a lot (that's nothing new), and basically just enjoyed the time.

On the flip side, it brings back those feelings of being a stay-at-home-mom. Isolation, loneliness, feeling completely disconnected from society as a whole. I don't like those feelings and have found that I need adult interaction (who doesn't?). Work provides that for me very well, as those I work with are fun to be around and make work enjoyable.

Tomorrow morning at 10:30 my hardship will go in front of a panel who will decide whether or not I can change my schedule to days. While I desperately hope they will grant me my hardship, I will accept what is given to me and move on. I have learned that sulking and pouting for not getting what I want serves no purpose whatsoever...so bring it on...whatever that may be. I'll work with it!

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

Its to bad, that you committed yourself to a marriage and children and then realized this is not what you wanted. I sure hope the kids don't realize that your being a mother and stay at home mom has left you unfullfilled as a person. Many women are completely happen raising children and being in that role. When the kids are grown which happens soon enough, most women go out and fullfill the other interests that they have. Didn't realize you felt that way wonder if Dave did?

Anonymous said...

I think you have a great outlook about dealing with Everyday as it is handed to you. We do all need the intellectual interaction with other adults and I totally understand. I have never gotten the impression you were unhappy raising children, in fact I think you missed them all the time. It makes adults better to be able to have time with and away from the children and to keep a hold of themselves as persons, not just as a provider or giver to all. I respect your ability to realize the children are great, worthy of every minute you can give to them and you deserve time for yourself to continue to grow as a person as well. I think making the time for yourself creates a better parent and one more capable of guiding and educating their children. You cannot just stop your own existance when you have children, you would never want to teach them to do that to themselves. Nurture the young, explore life, grow yourself and teach them how to do the same for themselves. I dont subscribe to the crawl in a box till their gone theory, they only learn what you knew when you started not what you have learned with them. Keep up the good work!

Anonymous said...

many women stay married with children and still are able to commit to it and also are able to have contact socially and are able to explore their interests and desires. It doesn't mean you have to walk out on your husband and children to accomplish this really not sure at times with your blog just where you are at.

Tim said...

I think if Anonymous had any credibility they would put a name on the comment. Come on man or woman up, don't HIDE behind a faceless mask.

frizzlefry said...

I think Anonymous is probably an unfulfilled woman herself, or a man masquerading as a "wise" woman. Either way, the judgment is far from the mark.

I tried several times to stay home with my kids, and we were all miserable. Like you, I needed the social and intellectual support from a work environment. God gave me my brains. I'm pretty sure he didn't expect me to waste them sitting around the house of doing little fluff art projects all day. I tried volunteer work and other outlets, and quickly realize that work was going to be the best thing for my family.

I applaud you. Every woman grows into themselves, realizing their own power and beauty in a personal and internal way. Some are lucky to have spouses who support them as they grow and change and blossom, usually in their late 20's and early 30's. Others have spouses who continually try to usurp their internal power and attempt to keep their wives "in their place". It takes a lot of courage to take your life up as your own and accept responsibility for your own actions. By doing so, you send a powerful message to your kids that they also have the ability to choose what's right for themselves and what most benefits those around them.
I know you have already seen them become happier and more confident as their lives settle into familiar patterns and stability.
Too bad anonymous felt it OK to judge you unfairly without even considering what a gift you are giving to your kids.

Way to go. You are my hero!
Melissa

Anonymous said...

This lady is definitly not an unfulfilled woman. I had a large family, and a career. Its just I know Kim personally and I am sure that my comments to her she will understand. I am simply stating what she has already confirmed in her blogs its just her feelings were unknown to most of us that love her. Please do not make assumtions without knowing the facts. We still love Kim and hope she finds her way we just worry about the kids. Nobody's family is perfect and sometimes as much as we want to find ourselves it is always not about us.Its important to remember the we made some committants in our lives that involve others and when we break them everyone suffers. Lets hope this will all work itself out for the best. My name to you is not important Kim knows who I am

Anomic Entropy said...

I've chosen to be a stay at home mom with the caveat that I am very fortunate to be in a position where that is possible... with a husband who is very supportive. I could not do this work and maintain any sort of sanity if I didn't have the support I do.

Even with everything working out just right, I often wonder if staying at home is really the best choice. My kids have more of my time, but neither they nor my husband are familiar with who I am outside the role of "Mom." Sometimes I barely remember who I am beyond that.

It seems mean-spirited and nasty to tear down a woman who admits - as we all ought to do - that negotiating life and raising kids is not a neat and tidy pre-drawn map. We all have to struggle to figure out how to meet our own needs and the needs of our children.

Anyway - I'm glad to be catching up with you, Kim. I liked and admired you when we were kids and think even more of you now. You rock. :o)

Anonymous said...

I wanted to add my comments were in ref. to paragraph two. The statement of a stay at home mom. It sounded like that particular sentence was in general. I was saying it was not. I am so glad to hear from you some things you never expressed to any of us. I know how much you love kids and being a mother. I did not say you were unfulfilled as a mother I said as a "person" None of really knew why you left you never did say. I would have loved to have talked to you, I remember talking to you once and all you would say was your stepson was a lot of the problem? I guess I don't understand and it would be nice to have known somewhat the real reason. I know Dave is difficult to live with. I never did understand why you didn't fight for the kids when you left? If you have a new e-mail I would prefer to contact you there if you would let me. Prayers c.G.