**This is in reference to comments left on Day 22.**
"Its to bad, that you committed yourself to a marriage and children and then realized this is not what you wanted." Anonymous has assumed that marriage and children "isn't what I wanted." What she doesn't realize is that marriage and children is all I ever wanted. Anonymous did not live with us for fifteen years...Anonymous will never understand.
"I sure hope the kids don't realize that your being a mother and stay at home mom has left you unfullfilled as a person." Anonymous does not know the relationship I have with my children...she has never listened to the words shared between us. My children absolutely understand that in order to be complete, people need balance in their lives and sometimes that means time away from each other. Anonymous does not understand the seething anger I feel when I read the words "being a mother...has left you unfulfilled as a person." Being a mother is the single most rewarding part of my entire life. I said that being a stay-at-home mom made me feel "isolated", "lonely", and "disconnected from society." Not once did I say it left me unfulfilled as a person. Shame on you for putting words in my mouth.
"Many women are completely happen raising children and being in that role." Anonymous doesn't realize that I don't give a shit about what makes other women happy. This is my life, not theirs.
"Many women stay married with children and still are able to commit to it and also are able to have contact socially and are able to explore their interests and desires." Anonymous does not realize that I am not "many women," I am Kim Bieske and because of so many things she does not know and never will, I chose to separate from my husband. I am not like "many women." I chose to not be a doormat and live a lifetime of unhappiness. I am sad that Anonymous assumes I left to "explore my interests and desires," as that is a selfish and shallow reason to split up a family. Those were not my reasons. Not even CLOSE.
"It doesn't mean you have to walk out on your husband and children to accomplish this..." Anonymous, what do you mean by "walk out?" Is that synonymous with abandon? You make it sound like I just left...*poof*. Why don't you come for a visit and I'll show you exactly what "walking out" has meant.
Anonymous, you have not spoken to me about any of this...why would you make such assumptions? You have made assumptions without knowing the facts, yet you ask others to not do so themselves. Of course I know who you are and believe me, you do not want to know my side of the story...and your son does not want you to know either.
"I never apologize. I'm sorry, but that's just the way I am." ~Homer Simpson
9 comments:
I am sorry you feel such anger in reference to my comments. They were not intended to anger you. Where is the anger coming from? Why would you chose to feel isolated and lonely if you feel all those wonderful feelings as a mother it more or less contradicts what you said in your previous letters. I tried calling you on several occasions you don't answer the phone. I tried e-mailing you it comes back no address. Please don't be so angry. Look back and read again what you have written. My comments were in response to how I interpreted it. I still love you and want the best for you and the kids and if you are in a good place then great. Kim was it really all one sided? If not please say so. One day your blogs are all great and the next you don't seem to be in a good place.
Kim please read added comment on the 22 blog. Thanks
Anonymous, as an outsider, your comments were not friendly and warm-fuzzy, and very much sounded like they intended to wound. If that really wasn't your intention, please reflect on word choice and forum when discussing such delicate matters. And usually words from someone who cares aren't signed anonymously.
It is true that Kim's posts reflect both hope and sadness, but that is to be expected when going through something so traumatic when dealing with someone you've loved for so long. I've never received the impression that she wants people to believe the events leading to the separation have been one sided; in fact she often references how both sides have offended, but chooses not to discuss the gorey details out of respect for the parties involved.
I knew it! Those comments on the last post reeked of an MIL who wants to lash out because she secretly is so ashamed of where she may be (now or in the past) at fault in this whole thing. I think it is obvious to all other readers that you are taking the high road and sparing her the gory details. You are strong and good and doing your best and TELLING THE TRUTH. Is there a stay at home mom alive that doesn't feel isolated? Even those that choose to keep doing it would give your words and thoughts a loud AMEN! You are awesome, Kim. I admire your strength! And thanks for inspiring all of us with your writing. Feel free to publish or not....
Why does divorce have to be so ugly? Having been through it, I understand anger and struggle. I admit I have been mostly silent, but I have to say I take great exception to the reference that your stepson had anything to do with the demise of your marriage. How could Sean have anything to do with that - you and Dave have not had contact with him in years - do you even know what he is doing with his life? How could someone that you do not even know have anything to do with your marriage failing? Dave has nothing to do with his firstborn - I hope and pray that the same does not happen with your children. Sean carries wounds from the treatment he received from his father to this day, and I would hate any other children of his to have to go through that. As Sean's mother, I cannot understand how anyone could do that to their own blood. I cannot know what you are going through - as you said, everyone is different. I only comment here because I do not want ANYONE to think that your stepson had anything to do with the failure of your marriage. I hope you find your way, I hope that you and the kids heal and I know that one day, you will know you did the right thing and that you are in a better place - I know I am. Why you left and are doing what you are doing is no one's business but your own. The only person you have to answer to is yourself - do what is right for you and your children.
A woman was gossiping with a friend about a man she hardly knew-- I know none of you have ever done this----that night she had a dream. A great hand appeared over her and pointed down at her.She was immediately seized with an
overwhelming sense of guilt.
The next day she went to confession. She got the old parish priest, Father O’Rourke, and she told him the whole thing.
“Is gossiping a sin?” she asked the old man. “Was that the hand of God Almighty pointing a finger at me? Should I be asking your
absolution? Father, tell me, have
I done something wrong?”
“Yes!” Father O’Rourke answered her.“Yes, you ignorant, badly broughtup female! You have borne false witness against your neighbor, you have played fast and loose with his reputation, and you should be heartily ashamed!”
So the woman said she was sorry and asked for forgiveness. “Not so
fast!” says O’Rourke. “I want you
to go home, take a pillow up on
your roof, cut it open with a knife, and return here to me!"
So the woman went home, took a
pillow off her bed, a knife from
the drawer, went up the fire escape
to the roof, and stabbed the
pillow.Then she went back to the old parish priest as instructed.
“Did you gut the pillow with the knife?” he says.
”Yes, Father.”
“And what was the result?”
“Feathers,” she said.
“Feathers?” he repeated.
“Feathers everywhere, Father!”
“Now I want you to go back and gather up every last feather that flew out on the wind!”
“Well,” she said, “it can’t be done. I don’t know where they went. The wind took them all over.”
”And that,” said Father O’Rourke, “is gossip!”
~Excerpt from the movie Doubt
These are major accusations being made, when you get children (including a stepson) involved. Saying anything on speculation, assuming, or hearing it from Dave or Kim's mother or father or from a friend-who-has-it-on-good-authority is gossip, and is toxic, and is hurting everyone, not just Kim. The ONLY way you can claim anything about Kim and what she feels played catalyst to this divorce, is from hearing it from Kim herself. And unless she personally told you Sean was invovled, shame on all those who are bringing him into this.
Everyday I check in and read the updates to this blog. I have typically been warmed and feeling hopeful and happy. The past few days here have taken on quite a different tone. I found the perfect video to describe my feelings after reading a few commentaries. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FhA7Js64VWs
I propose it is time to move on. I dont think any of us can really pass any judgements on Kim or any of her family or decisions. Every relationship and interpersonal exchange has its own dynamic. Sometimes others can be involved and understand, usually not. If it is not first hand knowledge no one really knows how things evolve. I reserve judgement because I dont know all the facts, maybe everyone else should too.
Thank you so much comment #7, Kim and family on both sides appreciate the comments. The others don't really know. Thanks again
With all due respect, who is speaking for me?
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