Friday, October 2, 2009


So Dave is having surgery today and since he doesn't really have anyone to take him to and from the hospital I volunteered.  The relationship he and I have is, well, odd.  I'm sure it's confusing to read about how angry I am at him for various things that have happened throughout the last several months, only to see that I've surprised him with Cirque du Soleil tickets for his birthday.  And now I'm helping him out while he repairs a part of his body that hasn't been working right for a while.

You see, divorce sucks.  Divorce with children sucks worse.  Divorce with children and alcoholism...words cannot describe.  Things are bad between Mr. and Mrs. Bieske when alcohol is involved, plain and simple.  The tentacles of alcoholism reach deep, finding buttons to push and triggering emotions we never knew we had.  These tentacles are influencing two young children, slowly shaping who they will one day be as adults. 

With me and Dave, when there is no alcohol to muck things up, and amicable divorce is possible.  Dave has been sober for several weeks now, which has made all the difference in the world.  The kids feel like they have their old Daddy back, and when they return from their weekends with him they are happy and excited to tell me about all the fun they had.  It's like night and day.

So when we are capable of being good to each other, when there is not the influence of alcohol in the mix, I will always do my best to do what is best for all of us as a family.  It is so important for the kids to be able to see their parents getting along, enjoying this new dynamic that has been created between them.

There are factors that must be present in order for a couple to succeed as husband and wife.  Those factors do not work between me and Dave, and never will again; however, the lack of what it takes to be spouses does not mean we can not function as two people who have a responsibility to their children.

Divorce does not have to equal hatred, or ugliness, or fighting.  It doesn't have to mean that it is one against the other.  We are a team, all four of us, and that will never go away.  When I took the kids to Casa Bonita I invited their dad to go along because I felt he would enjoy the experience with his kids as much as I would have.  He declined to go which was fine, I knew he was tired from work and needed to get off his feet. 

I'm not keeping score, I'm not trying to put on a good face and look like a saint - I'm just trying to do what's right for the kids whenever it's possible to do so.  Getting along with their dad is one of the most important things I can do for them.


1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Thank you for being there, as a mother, as a supporter when needed. I commend you!! I know its been tough and exhausting you have become exactly what they all have needed. Strength, conviction and perserverence. Hooray!! Prayers Carol and Gene