Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Chest pains

I've been experiencing pains in my chest lately.  Nothing even remotely doctor-worthy, just tightness and discomfort.  I've been told it's probably stress-related and to take deep breaths which is kinda hard to do when you feel like your lungs are made of cold licorice.

I don't know how I look on the outside when I am under personal stress.  On-the-job stress is obvious - I look like I'm extremely pissed off and frequently am asked what is wrong with me and who did it?!   I reply that no!  I'm just fine, merely focused and trying to sort the billion things playing Super Mario Cart in my brain and put them into meaningful and orderly action. 

Sitting at home though, I don't know how someone would perceive the stress that's inside.  Does it show that Amanda has a huge black gaping hole in one of her permanent molars?  That the stress she feels about her incredibly weak teeth is felt within me like a hot stabbing poker?  That even though I have dental insurance for her it's still going to cost $$? 

Does it show how discouraged I am about my job and about applying for new ones?  Does it show the disappointment I feel in myself and for Amanda for her science fair project failing for a second time?  By looking at me, can you tell I want to SCREAM sometimes? 

Decisions, choices, things that affect me, the kids, all of us.  I'm in a pressure cooker and it's almost ready to blow...

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