Saturday, August 27, 2011

Spread it on a cracker

This morning as I opened today's section of my weekly pill dispenser, a pill flew out and into oblivion.  I looked inside the small compartment to take inventory...orange capsule, blue/white capsule, purple pill, another white capsule...SHIT, no tiny blue pill. 

Birth control.  Double shit.

I bent down to look on the floor.  Nothing on the floor.  Then I saw it...stuck right under the drain stopper, barely in view.  If I could just get a pair of scissors and flick it out I'd be good.

I stuck the pointy end of the scissors behind the pill and tried to flick it out of the drain and back into the sink.  No flicking.  Instead, the pill disappeared and I dragged out a clot of something disgusting...

Hair (much of which probably belonged to the college students before us), slime, soap residue, and small nasty chunks of what-the-f-u-c-k,  were emerging from the hole in our bathroom sink. 

I had to hold back the retches so I wouldn't wake the kids.

I knew there was more in there, I could feel the spongy shit against the scissors tip.  The major excavation would have to wait until after work when I'd put on the hazmat suit and call for biohazard back-up.

Maybe then I'll be able to find that damn pill...I'm sure the drain scum will make it that much easier to swallow.

*urp*

~Sidenote:  If any of you think I would actually swallow that pill if it were found, please ball up your fist and punch yourself in the face.  Keep going until I say stop...



19 comments:

Left Coast Guy said...

Did you have to use the word "Swallow"? Ugh. Good morning!

Dean
http://leftcoastguy.com

Shrinky said...

Celebacy sounds far more inviting than swallowing that pill..!

Dazee Dreamer said...

puking. yes I am, thank you very much. thank god my husband cleans out the drains in our house.

Bersercules said...

I had to punch myself in the face. I thought you would eat it. People swallow all sorts of crap all the time!

The Accidental Somebody said...

~LC Guy, I don't shove those pills up my ass...I gotta SWALLOW them!

~Shrinky, I'm not getting laid enough (ok not at all) to warrant the consumption of that pill, but I still take them because I like to feel hormonally normal! Missing one day won't be that bad!

~Dazee, I still haven't cleaned it out yet. I'm not brave enough. Blech...

~Bersercules, you clearly need to get to know me my friend - English is my second language, next to sarcasm.

:)

myinnerchick.com said...

---what a supurb visual :) Hilareous !!

Timothy Bowen said...

There is only one 100% dependable birth control method. Sodomy.

my day in a sentence said...

But you can't skip on your birth control! :P

They should put spare pills in every box of pills. You know, just a couple, so you have no problems if you lose one or two.

The Accidental Somebody said...

~Innerchick, the written visual is much better than the actual. That shit is nasty!

~Timothy...OUCH.

~day in a sentence...I don't plan on *doing it* anytime soon, so skipping one day won't hurt much in that respect. And extras in the pack is a great idea!

Left Coast Guy said...

I just wanted to say I lke your sig block! :-)

Dean
http://leftcoastguy.com

The Accidental Somebody said...

Thank you LC Guy! Amanda helped me with it.

HKGK Gang said...

Sissy! Nothing wrong with a bit of fuzz on yer BC pill...

I'll bet you've put worse things in yer mouth.

The Accidental Somebody said...

~HKGK...I am a sissy. I am not ashamed.

Steve Bailey said...

Still punching......

Tamika said...

oh my....the first post I read and I'm cracking right up! LOL I found you from Sandra's Absolutely Narcissm site and I will be back!

Mrs. Tuna said...

You made me throw up a little in my mouth.....thanks.

New follower.

The Accidental Somebody said...

~Welcome Tamika and Mrs. Tuna!

And Steve...you aren't finished yet.

Roxy said...

Fuck! I think I am about to be sick!
Seriously cleaning drains is absolutely 100% per cent totally disgusting.

Use a drain unblocker
maybe it will dissolve some of it before you go in and get in out.

xxx

A Daft Scots Lass said...

I would've just used a condon instead.