Spread it on a cracker

This morning as I opened today's section of my weekly pill dispenser, a pill flew out and into oblivion.  I looked inside the small compartment to take inventory...orange capsule, blue/white capsule, purple pill, another white capsule...SHIT, no tiny blue pill. 

Birth control.  Double shit.

I bent down to look on the floor.  Nothing on the floor.  Then I saw it...stuck right under the drain stopper, barely in view.  If I could just get a pair of scissors and flick it out I'd be good.

I stuck the pointy end of the scissors behind the pill and tried to flick it out of the drain and back into the sink.  No flicking.  Instead, the pill disappeared and I dragged out a clot of something disgusting...

Hair (much of which probably belonged to the college students before us), slime, soap residue, and small nasty chunks of what-the-f-u-c-k,  were emerging from the hole in our bathroom sink. 

I had to hold back the retches so I wouldn't wake the kids.

I knew there was more in there, I could feel the spongy shit against the scissors tip.  The major excavation would have to wait until after work when I'd put on the hazmat suit and call for biohazard back-up.

Maybe then I'll be able to find that damn pill...I'm sure the drain scum will make it that much easier to swallow.

*urp*

~Sidenote:  If any of you think I would actually swallow that pill if it were found, please ball up your fist and punch yourself in the face.  Keep going until I say stop...