Sunday, October 23, 2011

Dr. Kim

Amanda was complaining of a sore throat, so naturally Dr. Kim came to the rescue.  Or something like that.

(Cue raspy voice)

A:  Mom, my throat really hurts...

I feel her forehead, tummy, and back for signs of fever and stuff the thermometer under her tongue just in case.

K:  Well kiddo you aren't running a fever, but let's have a look at your throat to make sure there aren't any white spots.  Ok, open really wide.  Wider.  No, put your tongue down so I can see your tonsils.  The back of your tongue...put it down.  Now push your tonsils forward.  Tongue down Amanda, it's blocking your throat.  Ok try saying AHHHHHH.


K:  (Flashlight in one hand, finger hooking her mouth open with the other) Ok now that I can see, try it again.  Nice and wide.  Stick that tongue out.  Wait...put it down in the back.  Down.  The back of your tongue needs to go down.  There you g-- no down Amanda, tongue down tonsils forward--here, can I push your tongue down with your toothbrush 'cause I can't see a damn thing back there...

A:  Uh let me do it Mom.

K:  Whatever, just push that sucker down.  Ok, nice and wide...hold it!  I see a white spot on your left tonsil.  Ummm it's either a pus pocket or it's just food stuck in there. (I reach for a Q-Tip and she gives me a horrified look)

A:  Mom you're gonna make me gag.

K:  Just let me stick it on your tonsil because if it's food it'll just pop out of there.  Easy peasy no big deal.  Ok open reeeealllly wide-

A:  Mom it's not gonna work.


A:  GAG *cough*

K:  Amanda I barely got it into your mouth.  Again, nice and wide...

A:  GAAAAG *coughcoughreeetch* 

K:  Never mind you're fine.



Roxy said...

You sadist Kim :P
I won't let anyone, not even a doctor stick anything in my throat.
Major gag reflex!

my day in a sentence said...

Ok, this is gonna sound weird but hear me out. There's this thing that adult actresses do to fight the gag reflex whilst giving men oral pleasure: you close your thumb with the inside of your palm and, in that way, form a fist. Now that you've done that, you need to squeeze on that thumb as hard as you can. And that's it. I never believed it until I tried it. It's amazing.

" Hit It......." said...

Kim ....I totally lost my train of thought reading "my day in a sentence's" comment. I guess I will have to try out her suggestion..! :)

Sorry your kiddo was sick; you sound a lot like me. I am very direct and I don't baby my kids.

Carol the grandma said...

Sorry about that sweet granddaughter of mine. Just to let you know if you go to Walgreens you should be able to buy some tongue depressors makes the job a lot easier,

Chibi said...

Ooh, that sounds like a tonsil stone! (Or should I say "ew"? I get them and they're GROSS!)

Hope she's feeling better!

Linda Medrano said...

Mom! Mom! MOM!

Slyde said...

i have 4 dirty jokes i can say right now, but i'm gonna be mature and shut my mouth....

Roxy said...

@ my day in a sentence - erm... I will definitely try that one out next time I... feel sick :P

my day in a sentence said...

I feel I must reply here. :D
I'm a guy, a bloke, a dude.
I found out (well, looked it up on the internet) about this when my gf had to do gastroscopy and was afraid she would barf. :D