We think we have found the origin of my shoulder/arm pain. I say We, because a million and one people have tried to figure this damn pain out and finally something makes sense. Basically my back, shoulder, and neck muscles on the right side are so wadded up in knots, the neurologist couldn't even find the trigger points that are probably causing the radiating pain down my arm.
So he put me on a nightly muscle relaxer, an anti-inflammatory, and a stretching routine for the next month to loosen up the death grip my muscles have. Then, if needed once my muscles chill out, he will find the correct trigger point and inject it with something-or-other to loosen its death grip and give my arm the relief it needs. Oh, and I need to stop drinking caffeine.
Stress is a big factor, so is caffeine and lack of sleep.
I can't sleep because I'm so stressed, and I need the caffeine to help me stay awake. It's a never. ending. cycle. There's a giant crank on my back and with every little bit of stress, it twists like a bitch and it hurts like a fucker.
The heater in my car isn't working and it's fucking cold here..craaaaaaank.
The dash lights and tail lights on my car aren't working...craaaank.
My tooth is in excruciating pain and I have to wait until 5:00 tonight to get it fixed...craaaank.
My relationship is in peril...CRAAAAANK.
I am now in school, and while it's a good thing...craaaank.
My job...omg CRANK CRANK CRANK CRANK CRAAAAANNNNNKKKKK. KICK. CRANK.
You get the idea...
I listened to music on my commute home from school last night, and a song came on that always gives me a bit of an emotional reaction...but this time the floodgates opened and before I knew it I was clamoring for anything that could sop up the snot.
I bawled till I got home.
I collected myself, walked into the apartment, and there stood Amanda, arms out big and wide for a hug. I basked in her warm welcome, until the news came that she forgot her protractor at school and couldn't do her homework, could I please run to the store to get one for her?
Of course I did, even went to two stores because the first didn't have any (fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck). And I didn't complain (out loud), because that's what parents do. They take care of things.
But this morning, after a sleepless night of bullshit running through my mind, I hurt more than I have in a long time. I feel cranked to the hilt, wound so tight on my right side that I will surely split myself in two.
I had a deep tissue massage years ago, and I think it's time for another. Something needs to release this tension or I will disappear, only to be found curled up in my closet flinging feces at my work uniforms.
Shit, maybe I'll just do that anyway...I bet it would be the best god damned stress relief EVER.