So he put me on a nightly muscle relaxer, an anti-inflammatory, and a stretching routine for the next month to loosen up the death grip my muscles have. Then, if needed once my muscles chill out, he will find the correct trigger point and inject it with something-or-other to loosen its death grip and give my arm the relief it needs. Oh, and I need to stop drinking caffeine.
Stress is a big factor, so is caffeine and lack of sleep.
Well shit.
I can't sleep because I'm so stressed, and I need the caffeine to help me stay awake. It's a never. ending. cycle. There's a giant crank on my back and with every little bit of stress, it twists like a bitch and it hurts like a fucker.
UGH.
The heater in my car isn't working and it's fucking cold here..craaaaaaank.
The dash lights and tail lights on my car aren't working...craaaank.
My tooth is in excruciating pain and I have to wait until 5:00 tonight to get it fixed...craaaank.
My relationship is in peril...CRAAAAANK.
I am now in school, and while it's a good thing...craaaank.
My job...omg CRANK CRANK CRANK CRANK CRAAAAANNNNNKKKKK. KICK. CRANK.
Parenting...
You get the idea...
I listened to music on my commute home from school last night, and a song came on that always gives me a bit of an emotional reaction...but this time the floodgates opened and before I knew it I was clamoring for anything that could sop up the snot.
I bawled till I got home.
I collected myself, walked into the apartment, and there stood Amanda, arms out big and wide for a hug. I basked in her warm welcome, until the news came that she forgot her protractor at school and couldn't do her homework, could I please run to the store to get one for her?
Of course I did, even went to two stores because the first didn't have any (fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck). And I didn't complain (out loud), because that's what parents do. They take care of things.
But this morning, after a sleepless night of bullshit running through my mind, I hurt more than I have in a long time. I feel cranked to the hilt, wound so tight on my right side that I will surely split myself in two.
I had a deep tissue massage years ago, and I think it's time for another. Something needs to release this tension or I will disappear, only to be found curled up in my closet flinging feces at my work uniforms.
Shit, maybe I'll just do that anyway...I bet it would be the best god damned stress relief EVER.
8 comments:
Oh Sweetie! Ouch! Get your doc to give you an order for massage. My husband has a deep tissue massage once a week (under a prescription from his doc) and it helps him immeasurably. That kind of pain and the stress feed into each other. Even physical therapy might help until they can give you a cortisone shot or something to break up the bunched up stuff. I'm really sorry you are going through this. It's agonizing, I know.
Kim please hang in there. I worry about you and I want you to be o.k. in every sense. I love you baby doll.
Josh
Linda is 100% right and said everything I was going to right down to the "Oh, sweetie." As for sleeping, get yourself some Nyquil. Even if you don't have a cold, I swear I have never slept better than after a shot of that stuff. I'm so sorry your moon is in feces right now. Know that there are people who care.
You seriously need a vacation. OMG. Lady, I feel for your. Deep tissue massages hurt; I hope it works. Try Advil PM. It knocks me on my ass and I don't feel drugged the next morning. You need a second you to take a load off of your plate.
btw- had to laugh at the protractor thing. I was buying fabric for my daughter's home ec class last night; and after an hour I was saying (i.e. fuck, fuck fuck)! People in craft and fabric stores are never in a hurry and they waste so much time. The things we do for our kids. :)
Kimmie, So the poo flinging thing was quite the visual. If you go through with it please remember to wash the poo covered uniforms before wearing. Damn, another visual. Before my TSA days I was a self employed Massage Therapist, which actually means an underemployed massage therapist. :-) Anyway, deep tissue work can do wonders, but make sure you drink LOTS of water after. Also, cortison only blocks the pain, it doesn't fix whats causing the pain. Sounds like you're on the right path. I wish you the best and if I can help, let me know.
Kim... I am hoping just ranting and CRANKing about it gave you a titch, is that a word?, of relief!! I am sorry you are going thru all this without an answer, or a solution. At least the hugs are always available!
Seriously, massage is so good for you...give it a shot.
Oh Kim! I wish I was closer and could pop by and cheer you up.
Definitely get yourself a deep tissue massage, oh and by the way, get people to get you a day or a weekend in a spa for your birthday. I know it's still far but just sayin'.
xx
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