Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Life Lessons with Amanda...Consent

Mom I have a paper you need to sign...ugh.

No sweetie, I'm definitely NOT signing this one.


Amanda had squeamishly handed me a piece of paper that wretched up a memory or two within me:  the dreaded puberty talk at school.  The girls would be meeting with a couple female teachers, the boys with a couple male teachers.

I remember being in fifth grade, sitting with all the girls in our class - we were in the locker room at the gym.  The film was one of those ancient contraptions where the teacher had to turn the knob to advance the film that the she spent twenty minutes wrestling into the machine to begin with.  The audio sat in it's own machine on the second shelf, the news reporter-like voice explaining what was going to happen with our bodies, then beeping when it was time for teach to turn the knob.

I recall one slide that was a rudimentary drawing of a white girl's body, with a triangle of brown color to warn us what "down there" would eventually look like.  I don't know about you, but mine didn't turn out like a neat little patch of light brown felt.  I was a wrangly mess till I eventually learned I could tame it, way too many years later.

To say I was a prude would be an understatement.


There were nervous giggles, and even though no one wanted to be looking at the images that were warning us of our periods, breasts, and pubic hair, all eyes were fixed straight ahead.  Even worse than seeing those images however, would have been being caught making eye contact with someone.  I don't recall learning anything new during that talk - three older sisters made sure of that!

Mom you have to sign the form if you DON'T  want me to attend - you've already taught me everything I need to know!

Hehe...I'm well aware of that Amanda and you're goin!  Yes, being the awesome mom that I am, you probably know more about what's going on than any other girl in your class but you're gonna suffer through it like every other fifth grader in town!

Parenting at its finest.



Roksana Podgorska said...

hahahahahaha, you are evil... but I'd do the same :P

Karie McRae said...

I went through that program two years ago; horrible. My daughter knew everything as well. I was surprised how giggly the girls were. It actually became quite annoying. When my daughter got home from the program, she promptly showed her dad all of her free stuff. I never would have talked with my dad about stuff like that. Not my kid...she shared away.

You will have to write an update as to Amanda's reaction to the "little program"

My Inner Chick said...

Yes. You made the right choice! Never too much information.

At least she'll get some free tampax & stuff :)))
My inner Chick

Linda Medrano said...

Although I sort of hated hearing about the banana and the condom, I'm so glad that schools are giving kids this information. Ignorance is not bliss. And pulling my kid out of that class would have sent the wrong message. Yes, it would be great if they all learned everything at home, but we sure as hell can't count on that.

Jayne said...

I totally remember those films. Torture.

Dean LC Guy said...

Ah the old "if its good enough for me...." You know, Kim, I dont recall ever having that conversation with anyone. Damn. That 'splains allot!


Mrs. Tuna said...

My sister took me to that movie "what you ever wanted to know about sex but were afraid to ask" when I was like 10. Apparently no amount of shushiing could make me stop asking......