Repost: Dr. Kim

I've been in the process of writing a memoir for the last 598 years, and I needed to reference a picture, so I spent some time scouring my blog because I knew the picture I needed would be on here somewhere.  Naturally, I got sidetracked and began reading entries from years ago and dang, I wrote some funny stuff.  And I swore a lot.  Still do.  Anyhoo, I read this one and it gave me a good laugh, so I thought I'd repost it for your enjoyment.  

October 23, 2011

Dr. Kim

Amanda was complaining of a sore throat, so naturally Dr. Kim came to the rescue.  Or something like that.

(Cue raspy voice) 

A:  Mom, my throat really hurts...

I feel her forehead, tummy, and back for signs of fever and stuff the thermometer under her tongue just in case.

K:  Well kiddo you aren't running a fever, but let's have a look at your throat to make sure there aren't any white spots.  Ok, open really wide.  Wider.  No, put your tongue down so I can see your tonsils.  The back of your tongue...put it down.  Now push your tonsils forward.  Tongue down Amanda, it's blocking your throat.  Ok try saying AHHHHHH.

A:  AHHHHHHHHH

K:  (Flashlight in one hand, finger hooking her mouth open with the other) Ok now that I can see, try it again.  Nice and wide.  Stick that tongue out.  Wait...put it down in the back.  Down.  The back of your tongue needs to go down.  There you g-- no down Amanda, tongue down tonsils forward--here, can I push your tongue down with your toothbrush 'cause I can't see a damn thing back there...

A:  Uh let me do it Mom.

K:  Whatever, just push that sucker down.  Ok, nice and wide...hold it!  I see a white spot on your left tonsil.  Ummm it's either a pus pocket or it's just food stuck in there. (I reach for a Q-Tip and she gives me a horrified look)

A:  Mom you're gonna make me gag.

K:  Just let me stick it on your tonsil because if it's food it'll just pop out of there.  Easy peasy no big deal.  Ok open reeeealllly wide-

A:  Mom it's not gonna work.

K:  I SAID OPEN!

A:  GAG *cough*

K:  Amanda I barely got it into your mouth.  Again, nice and wide...

A:  GAAAAG *coughcoughreeetch*  

K:  Never mind you're fine.