I've been in the process of writing a memoir for the last 598 years, and I needed to reference a picture, so I spent some time scouring my blog because I knew the picture I needed would be on here somewhere. Naturally, I got sidetracked and began reading entries from years ago and dang, I wrote some funny stuff. And I swore a lot. Still do. Anyhoo, I read this one and it gave me a good laugh, so I thought I'd repost it for your enjoyment.
October 23, 2011
Amanda was complaining of a sore throat, so naturally Dr. Kim came to the rescue. Or something like that.
(Cue raspy voice)
(Cue raspy voice)
A: Mom, my throat really hurts...
I feel her forehead, tummy, and back for signs of fever and stuff the thermometer under her tongue just in case.
K: Well kiddo you aren't running a fever, but let's have a look at your throat to make sure there aren't any white spots. Ok, open really wide. Wider. No, put your tongue down so I can see your tonsils. The back of your tongue...put it down. Now push your tonsils forward. Tongue down Amanda, it's blocking your throat. Ok try saying AHHHHHH.
K: (Flashlight in one hand, finger hooking her mouth open with the other) Ok now that I can see, try it again. Nice and wide. Stick that tongue out. Wait...put it down in the back. Down. The back of your tongue needs to go down. There you g-- no down Amanda, tongue down tonsils forward--here, can I push your tongue down with your toothbrush 'cause I can't see a damn thing back there...
A: Uh let me do it Mom.
K: Whatever, just push that sucker down. Ok, nice and wide...hold it! I see a white spot on your left tonsil. Ummm it's either a pus pocket or it's just food stuck in there. (I reach for a Q-Tip and she gives me a horrified look)
A: Mom you're gonna make me gag.
K: Just let me stick it on your tonsil because if it's food it'll just pop out of there. Easy peasy no big deal. Ok open reeeealllly wide-
A: Mom it's not gonna work.
K: I SAID OPEN!
A: GAG *cough*
K: Amanda I barely got it into your mouth. Again, nice and wide...
A: GAAAAG *coughcoughreeetch*