Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Fortunate

Nearly a month has passed since Dave's passing - what a month it's been.  As you all know I quit my job at TSA; I had my "dream job" as a photojournalist at my fingertips, and lost it as quickly as I found it; the immediate need to tend to Dave's death left us scrambling for donations so that we could properly tend to him and his belongings.

The week and a half after returning home from Denver was exhausting as I sorted through the belongings that we brought home, merging two households into one.  I purposely didn't stress about finding a new job during that week and a half - I didn't have any energy reserves to be able to do it.  I knew that once our home was in order I'd be  ready to begin looking.

The day after the last box had been gone through, I had my interview with the Social Security office to discuss the survivor benefits I had applied for the previous week.  I answered the questions as they were asked, and when we were finished she let me know how much we'd be getting every month:

It will be enough that I don't have to work until Brandon turns 16.  Now, there are stipulations, etc that factor into that, but the bottom line is that I won't have to stress about money for a while.  Eventually I will work, maybe get a part time job when school starts (mine and theirs).  If nothing else, I'm taking the rest of the summer off to be with the kids - to be with them, to play with them, to enjoy them.

To LIVE.

I feel a certain pang of guilt for having this money now, when just a few weeks ago I was asking for and receiving others' help.  It just doesn't feel right that people gave me money, and now I have enough that I don't even have to work.  After much thought I've decided to honor the donations that were so selflessly given to us, by paying it forward.  I'm not sure how, when, or what we will do, but we will do whatever we can to help others just as we were helped.  

The gratitude I have felt throughout this trying time in our lives is solid in my heart - it's an unforgettable feeling that has seeped into every fiber of my being.  I've realized how truly fortunate we are in our lives, not by the money we have in our bank account, but by the love that has been shown to us and the comforting arms of protection that have encircled us from literally all over the world.


Love is truly all we need in life...the rest will fall into place.




11 comments:

esbboston said...

Yea!

&^)

Diana a.k.a. Meme said...

That is some wonderful news! Good things do happen to good people and great children! Enjoy the time with your kids~ they will forever cherish it!

an other said...

It's amazing how just when things are at their worst, the universe will provide, just have to ride the roller coaster and try and enjoy the process.

Enjoy what will be a very special summer with the young ones.

Stacia said...

Someone is watching over you, knowing you need some extra time with the kids, and for you.

Embrace it, be lazy, be happy, take time to map out a new path for you and the family. Life has been such a roller coaster for you, now....just enjoy the sights :)

xoxo

TK said...

And remember, this is a benefit that Mitt Romney and his Republican cronies want to take away, as well as a ton of others, that benefit real people.

Steve said...

Kim, that's great news! I am so happy for you and the kids. Seems like you got the perfect job that you really wanted, stay at home mom for your amazing kids. It's absolutely perfect! What a blessing to be able to work when you want to instead of having to do it.
Steve

Roksana Podgorska said...

Oh my Kim that is great news. I'm so happy for you that you don't need to stress and can focus on kids and, like you said, be with them. You can devote your time to what you love now and enjoy it. Very happy for you. xx

Mrs. Tuna said...

It is good that you can be with the kids during these hard times of adjustment.

The Flying Tortoise said...

I'm so glad things are on the improve for you and the kids but I'll still send hugs...

Melissa said...

Wow...I'm sorry I haven't stopped by in a while. I read several of your posts to catch up. I'm so sorry for the loss...as complicated and layered of emotions as it is. I'm so sorry. And what's amazing for you and for so many of us who've had to endure such horrific pain, is that we're able to see the silver lining, the pearl in our adversity, the goodness of the same life that has delivered so much pain. Your photographs are beautiful btw. You are so very talented. Also, I'm curious for your opinion on my new blog...www.healthybitsbites.blogspot.com. It's a passion outside of all the pain I've experienced, and I'd be interested in your feedback:)

Jayne said...

You deserve this break. Don't feel the least bit guilty. You've been carrying the load for a long time. Much love to you, my friend.