There we all were, laying in my bed after calling in sick to school. Amanda was running a fever which peaked at 103.4 degrees, Brandon's was much lower but he was a little warm too. I strongly suggested we all lay down and try to sleep a little more...funny how that always seems like a better idea to me than it does to them.
Amanda was shivering cold from her fever, so she was wrapped in about nine blankets, head to toe, facing away from me and Brandon (I was in the middle of course). She lay still, her mummified remains quiet, but sick. Brandon finally snuggled in next to me, but he was restless. He kept coughing, a sound similar to that of the croup (been there, done that a couple of times!). For those of you familiar to the croup, the cough sounds like the bark of a seal.
So there we were, trying to relax ourselves enough to fall back to sleep. The barking seal remained restless, noisy, and squirmy. "My butt itches," he said. "It wont...scratch...stop...scratchity scratchwigglewiggle...ITCHING!"
To which I replied, "Go into the bathroom and give your butt a good wipe. Maybe you left a skid mark in there earlier and that's what's makin' you itch." So off he went into the bathroom, and when he came back into the room, he said proudly, "I stuck some toilet paper in my butt crack and left it in there..." and he climbed back in next to me.
"Well, stop movin' around or you're gonna lose the toilet paper and it's gonna be floating around in the bed!" I said. A muffled snicker came from the mummy..."hehehe..."
The barking seal continued to squirm restlessly. "Darn it! The toilet paper came out and it still itches...and it burrrrrrnnnnssss!" "Hehehe..." giggled the muffled mummy, not moving a muscle.
"Go hop into the shower then, and make sure you wash really well...especially your butt crack!" I said. So the barking seal helped himself into the shower where he barked continuously, stayed for a good twenty minutes, and emptied the hot water tank. When he returned, he smelled of cherries...or was it blueberries? Regardless, he smelled fruity and clean. And, unfortunately, no longer tired. And neither was the mummy.
So what started out as a chance to get some much needed sleep for the three of us, ended up with me alone in bed, my fruity barking seal on the computer, and my lil' sick mummy sitting in front of the tv, her fever broken and her body alive.