Since changing my schedule to days, I have seen a quantifiable change within myself. I am balanced, my depression has lifted, I am happy and centered. While I'm still not sleeping through the night (I awake often, unsure of what time it is, slightly panicked that I have overslept) I feel rested. I feel calmer, more confident with my abilities to handle stress that happens; I feel at peace.
There is still a chance I might get the promotion which would mean the following: Good side...better pay by almost $15,000 per year, experience, job security. Bad side...at the mercy of scheduling which means I could be stuck with the graveyard shift or something else just as crappy = back to square ONE; my kids being in daycare for up to ten hours a day (twelve hours if I'm stuck with a split-shift) three days a week; no pay increase. So if I'm promoted, do I accept or decline?
I am truly hoping they pass me over. Getting the hardship so I could work days was a battle, one I was fortunate to win. I'm not sure I have it in me to have to make a decision that would ask me to put a price on my mental and physical well-being and the well-being of my kids. I just don't think it's worth it. Right now they have a much better mom than they have ever had which in turn affects their own lives. They are doing well, I am doing well.